Ouch.
That’s the word to describe how I felt this morning when I crawled out of bed.
See, I’d fallen Tuesday evening. (With someone watching. She was too kind to laugh.)
And nobody from home to baby me this morning.
Waaaaaah.
It was really embarrassing, the way it happened. But let me back up.
Last week I drove from my home in Buhler, Kansas, to Trenton, Michigan. My son Benjamin and his wife Amy live here, and I came to help welcome their first baby into the world.
We enjoyed several days of visiting, knowing that Wed., Nov. 6th, if Amy hadn’t gone into labor yet, it would be induced.
Her parents, Debbie and Robert Blanton, invited us for Amy’s favorite meal of pot roast Tues. night. We had just finished the delicious fare and started clearing the table, looking forward to playing some games to help pass the time for dear Amy, so ready to deliver.
My husband Tracy called me, so I joyfully caught him up on how things were going here. I noticed Amy and Ben talking in hushed tones, when suddenly someone called out that her water had broken. At first, I got excited, but then, knowing how they love to play tricks on people—they’ve worked with church youth for years, after all!—I suspected they were just pulling a fast one.
But no, as everyone scurried around, I realized this was the real deal! Our 20th grandchild had decided not to wait for a medical induction—she was ready to introduce herself!
We’d left the hospital bags back at Ben and Amy’s, so Debbie drove me there while Ben rushed Amy to the hospital. On their way out the door, they had called out a list of additional items I should grab. Debbie and I were ecstatic, jabbering for the 15 minute drive, praying for our darlings, trying to stay focused on the task at hand.
And I geared up mentally, picturing the little house and where to find each thing quickly so we could hurry to catch up to where our hearts had gone before us.
I rushed up the steps, key in hand, and charged ahead to fulfill my tasks.
It was really dark.
And I forgot one crucial piece of information: there was a small 3” step up from the entry into the living room.
To say I tripped is an understatement.
Look, I’m a person who loves the humanities. I like reading, writing, history, and music. If I could, I’d entirely skip all the sciences and math offered to educate an industrialized nation.
But that didn’t keep me from experiencing all the laws of nature that came into play. I’m sure there were physics involved when I went down like Goliath, face first into the coffee table and hardwood floor.
It took a few seconds to comprehend what had happened. Debbie called out to me, but I was disoriented. I wish I could say I only hurt my pride, but as we assessed the damage, we realized I had cut my head on the coffee table and hit other parts of my anatomy on some other edge of something. Let’s just say that although I love the colors blue, purple and green—even together—I had a feeling they wouldn’t make for a pretty sight emblazoned on my “bum” and back.
Already I felt huge regret, knowing the consequences of my fall would become a distraction from the joy waiting for us when our granddaughter took her first breath. So I held back my tears, sucked up the pain, swallowed four ibuprofen, and grabbed what we needed. We were back on track in record time.
But as the hours passed, there was no escaping what had happened. Pain wouldn’t let me forget the mishap. New sore places demanded attention as I realized that even parts of my body that hadn’t been directly injured were still jarred into slowly building agony. And I despaired over how my foolish rushing was now forcing my attention away from the main attraction. I didn’t want this kind of attention.
I replayed the fall in my mind, wishing I’d turned on a light or slowed my pace . . . or any number of things that might have changed the outcome.
There is no turning back time. Not even by a few seconds.
Happily, people kept a steady supply of pain relievers and ice on hand. Amy did great with her labor. Benjamin became a capable coach during the delivery.
And as Moriah Joy took her first breath, my pain was forgotten.
Of course, this morning when I eased out of bed, my stiff joints, tight neck, and tender shoulders reminded me of the consequences of the fall. Lesson learned. I will take precautions in the future.
Then I opened my Bible to my daily reading: “The virgin of Israel has fallen; she will rise no more. She lies forsaken on her land; there is no one to raise her up.” (Amos 5:2)
How tragic to fall so badly, you can’t get up! To be so alone, nobody is available to help you!
How did Israel find herself in such a position? She turned away from the Lord, her Helper. She ignored His warnings that would have spared her.
She even rejected His hand that reached down to help her back up when she first stumbled.
And isn’t this the way falls go?
We don’t realize how important it is to turn on the Light. We have such an abundance of God’s Word. Bibles, phone applications, internet sites. Books, sermons, DVD teachings. Yet too often we head out without even as much Light on our paths as a keyring LED provides.
We rush ahead instead of waiting on the Lord. We have our agenda, and we’re on a mission. Never mind that He might want us to go another direction or even take another approach. We flail about like hamsters on a treadmill instead of enjoying the power of His Spirit gracefully carrying us where He wants us to go.
We think that just a small indiscretion won’t matter much in the big scheme of things. A harmless flirtation, one little peek, just a tiny bite, only one drink. Just a quick visit with friends from the old crowd. We think we’re too big or strong for something so little to give us much trouble. But size can be painfully deceptive. Maybe “the bigger they are, the harder they fall” is truer than we want to admit. Something that seems like a mere 3 inches—insignificant compared to our size—can really bring us down. Hard.
And we deny the far-reaching impact our fall will have on our lives and those we love. When the reality begins to come through, regret can rob us of the joy still available to us.
Prevention is so much better than regret.
But if you feel like it’s too late, and you’ve already fallen, there is Good News.
You do still have Someone to help you up.
God loves us so much, He didn’t leave us alone in our fall. He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to raise us up.
If you are feeling the effects of a fall, I understand. We still have consequences when we plunge forward into destruction.
But call out for help. First to the Lord, then to one of His helpers who can guide you back to the safe path.
There is hope.
And there is joy, even during recovery.
There is life after the fall.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
Broken Heart, Part 2
In the last post, I shared that there are two things that cause God's covenant with us to work: 1) He forgives, and 2) He forgets.
I explained how understanding that covenant helps us in our marriages, too, when sin brings destruction.
We looked at what forgiveness is, as well as what it isn't.
Some of you decided to truly let go of the offenses you've suffered from your spouse. But that doesn't mean you're feeling up to the task for forgetting the wrongs you've endured.
Yet forgetting is the necessary second half of a covenant that can help us effectively respond to betrayal.
If you've been through the sorrows of infidelity on the part of your husband or wife, you have likely also suffered with images plaguing your imagination. You might picture the person (or people) he has been intimate with. You "see" in your mind's eye their kisses, embraces, and more. You envision them at a hotel, in the backseat of a car, or worse, in your own bedroom.
You can't seem to stop these visuals from replaying over and over in your head. And when they march across your mental screen, the feelings rise again: sadness, anger, nausea, disgust, despair--with distrust leading the parade.
Which is self-defeating. You work through the hard task of forgiveness, only to find that you've filled in the ledger of debt with large red numbers, all because the memory of what happened reopened the wounds, and you're bleeding all over the page.
Our ability to recall is amazing.
It's like a computerized file that only requires the first few letters typed in before it pulls up the data waiting for review.
How do we push the escape button to keep that garbage from coming up? And do we really want to? All the "what-if's" can torture us, convincing us that if we aren't vigilant, we'll be hurt again.
We can drive ourselves crazy when our imaginations take off. We become the monitor of every action, deed, and thought of our spouses. We check the computer browser history. Look over texts and calls sent and received. Comb through credit card statements and receipts. Track minutes that have gone past the expected time of arrival home. We're sensitive to scents, sighs, and smiles.
I nearly drove Tracy crazy because I didn't just want to know what he was doing; I wanted to know what he was thinking. And when I agreed to stay with him, he had to agree to my questioning--even grilling.
But I'm the one who nearly went mad from it all. Staying on high alert 24 hours a day is exhausting and stressful.
We're not equipped to be the thought police. Nor the Holy Spirit.
Yet fear drove me. I erected high walls of self-protection. I was terrified that if I let up even a little bit, I would crumble beyond repair.
I couldn't seem to forget what Tracy had done, and I wasn't about to suffer alone; I wouldn't let him forget it, either.
We lived like this for two miserable years.
I'm so thankful that the Father got through to me with the answer I needed. It was more than my need to forgive Tracy. I also needed to forget.
At first, that seemed as impossible as the forgiveness originally felt. I raged, "I'll never be able to forget this!"
But our heavenly Father is our example.
He doesn't have a poor memory. He's not suffering from Alzheimer's. When He says that He doesn't remember our sins anymore, He isn't claiming to be forgetful. There's nothing wrong with the memory portion of His brain.
No, the reason He doesn't remember is because He has chosen to forget our wrong-doings. It is part of that new covenant He made with mankind. :For this is the covenant that I will make . . . for I will be merciful to their unrighteousness [there's the forgiveness part], and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more [there's the forgetfulness part]." (portions of Heb. 8:10-12)
Once we have confessed our sinful acts and put our faith in the sacrifice of Jesus to provide payment (death), then God says He doesn't remember them anymore.
Preachers have come to call this casting our sins into the "sea of His forgetfulness." (from Micah 7:19)
Imagine this huge lake--probably an ocean, in reality, when you consider how many sins people have committed through the years. There are "no fishing" signs posted all around the perimeter of the water.
What grace! We can try to pray, asking Him, "Remember when I did such and such," and He honestly replies, "No. I have no recall of the event you're talking about."
Psalm 103:12 paints another picture for us to help us understand how God deals with the memory of our sins. It says that He removes our sins as far as the east is from the west. How far is that? It can't be measured. They are gone.
I'm not suggesting that you block the memory in an unhealthy way of stuffing it down and never dealing with it. Rather, I'm saying you will gain great victory if you learn to tie the memory to the forgiveness you have already chosen.
You let go of trying to control your spouse's actions and thoughts. Good grief, if God Himself didn't force the person to change, what makes us think we can?
When you remember the sin, you can choose to forgive again, then you take the thoughts captive. You ask God to help you fight the mental battle. Yes, battle, because this is war. There's a reason it's in Scripture in military terms: we have an enemy, bent on destroying people, marriages, and families.
He never forgets a wrong. He's called the accuser of the brethren. Aka Satan. (Rev. 12:10) He'll replay our sins and the sins of others as often as we let him.
We don't want to be like him.
This is war, and when we've been through infidelity, we can testify that it feels like we've been in a war zone.
So we engage in the battle.
You might have to talk to yourself, even out loud, to get your runaway thoughts to get back where they belong. But that's okay. Tell yourself, "It is unfruitful for me to dwell on this anymore. It is already forgiven, and I refuse to replay it. Thoughts, obey the Lordship of Jesus Christ! He has forgive this sin, and I insist on being like Him." (2 Cor. 10:3-5)
Likewise, the imaginations of what might be happening must be pulled back into obedience.
Then fill your head with something else that is good--maybe praise music or Scripture or checking on someone who needs encouragement and love.
Here's what happens: you neither let the memories lurk in your subconscious, nor consciously rehearse them repeatedly. You bring them to the Light.
When film negatives are exposed to the light, the picture is ruined. Jesus said that people don't come to Him when their deeds are evil--they don't want that wickedness to be exposed. Well, sometimes we don't bring our spouse's deeds to Him, either. We don't want to deal with them. We hide in shame.
Better to get it all out, telling our Savior what has happened and how it has affected us. He knows, anyway. And sometimes it can also help to tell a trusted friend, pastor, or Christian counselor. Especially if we can't seem to move past it. We might just need to be heard--to let someone know we're hurting. To have someone share the burden. That's okay. Just be very selective about the person you choose to share with.
Then when the Light hits that ugly misdeed, somehow the exposure causes it to lose some power over us. And as we refuse to replay it, then, we are choosing to forget it.
Marriage is meant to be a picture to the world--one that reflects the precious love Jesus Christ has for His bride, the church. He made it possible for her to come to Him pure, spotless--cleansed by His own sacrifice.
In that same way, He wants us to live in covenant with each other so that we can deal with each other's failings like He does: forgiving and forgetting, all by free choice.
Again, as I said in the last post, this doesn't mean that God is calling you to stay in a harmful situation. But it does at least give you an environment from which you can function freely. It makes room for miracles of grace from hearts freed by love.
An unconditional love that can transform you, then maybe--just maybe--also the union you share with your spouse, imperfections and all.
I would like to offer my book, When Prince Charming Falls off His Horse . . . and you've become his nag! at a big discount to those of you who are hungry for more truth. Even if you haven't been through infidelity, there's a lot more to challenge marriages. I share what God taught me about learning to love unconditionally--and how to fight the battle. Maybe you know someone else who could use a transparent look at Christian marriage between very imperfect, selfish individuals who are being transformed by God. If so, for the next month on my website, the price is reduced to $4.95 plus S/H.
http://w.mawebcenters.com/beckyspencerministries/ecommerce/store.php
Pictures: Building a Dry-Stone Wall (mygarden.It) and View of Ocean from Pismo Beach (commons.wikipedia.org)
I explained how understanding that covenant helps us in our marriages, too, when sin brings destruction.
We looked at what forgiveness is, as well as what it isn't.
Some of you decided to truly let go of the offenses you've suffered from your spouse. But that doesn't mean you're feeling up to the task for forgetting the wrongs you've endured.
Yet forgetting is the necessary second half of a covenant that can help us effectively respond to betrayal.
If you've been through the sorrows of infidelity on the part of your husband or wife, you have likely also suffered with images plaguing your imagination. You might picture the person (or people) he has been intimate with. You "see" in your mind's eye their kisses, embraces, and more. You envision them at a hotel, in the backseat of a car, or worse, in your own bedroom.
You can't seem to stop these visuals from replaying over and over in your head. And when they march across your mental screen, the feelings rise again: sadness, anger, nausea, disgust, despair--with distrust leading the parade.
Which is self-defeating. You work through the hard task of forgiveness, only to find that you've filled in the ledger of debt with large red numbers, all because the memory of what happened reopened the wounds, and you're bleeding all over the page.
Our ability to recall is amazing.
It's like a computerized file that only requires the first few letters typed in before it pulls up the data waiting for review.
How do we push the escape button to keep that garbage from coming up? And do we really want to? All the "what-if's" can torture us, convincing us that if we aren't vigilant, we'll be hurt again.
We can drive ourselves crazy when our imaginations take off. We become the monitor of every action, deed, and thought of our spouses. We check the computer browser history. Look over texts and calls sent and received. Comb through credit card statements and receipts. Track minutes that have gone past the expected time of arrival home. We're sensitive to scents, sighs, and smiles.
I nearly drove Tracy crazy because I didn't just want to know what he was doing; I wanted to know what he was thinking. And when I agreed to stay with him, he had to agree to my questioning--even grilling.
But I'm the one who nearly went mad from it all. Staying on high alert 24 hours a day is exhausting and stressful.
We're not equipped to be the thought police. Nor the Holy Spirit.
Yet fear drove me. I erected high walls of self-protection. I was terrified that if I let up even a little bit, I would crumble beyond repair.
I couldn't seem to forget what Tracy had done, and I wasn't about to suffer alone; I wouldn't let him forget it, either.
We lived like this for two miserable years.
I'm so thankful that the Father got through to me with the answer I needed. It was more than my need to forgive Tracy. I also needed to forget.
At first, that seemed as impossible as the forgiveness originally felt. I raged, "I'll never be able to forget this!"
But our heavenly Father is our example.
He doesn't have a poor memory. He's not suffering from Alzheimer's. When He says that He doesn't remember our sins anymore, He isn't claiming to be forgetful. There's nothing wrong with the memory portion of His brain.
No, the reason He doesn't remember is because He has chosen to forget our wrong-doings. It is part of that new covenant He made with mankind. :For this is the covenant that I will make . . . for I will be merciful to their unrighteousness [there's the forgiveness part], and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more [there's the forgetfulness part]." (portions of Heb. 8:10-12)
Once we have confessed our sinful acts and put our faith in the sacrifice of Jesus to provide payment (death), then God says He doesn't remember them anymore.
Preachers have come to call this casting our sins into the "sea of His forgetfulness." (from Micah 7:19)
Imagine this huge lake--probably an ocean, in reality, when you consider how many sins people have committed through the years. There are "no fishing" signs posted all around the perimeter of the water.
What grace! We can try to pray, asking Him, "Remember when I did such and such," and He honestly replies, "No. I have no recall of the event you're talking about."
Psalm 103:12 paints another picture for us to help us understand how God deals with the memory of our sins. It says that He removes our sins as far as the east is from the west. How far is that? It can't be measured. They are gone.
I'm not suggesting that you block the memory in an unhealthy way of stuffing it down and never dealing with it. Rather, I'm saying you will gain great victory if you learn to tie the memory to the forgiveness you have already chosen.
You let go of trying to control your spouse's actions and thoughts. Good grief, if God Himself didn't force the person to change, what makes us think we can?
When you remember the sin, you can choose to forgive again, then you take the thoughts captive. You ask God to help you fight the mental battle. Yes, battle, because this is war. There's a reason it's in Scripture in military terms: we have an enemy, bent on destroying people, marriages, and families.
He never forgets a wrong. He's called the accuser of the brethren. Aka Satan. (Rev. 12:10) He'll replay our sins and the sins of others as often as we let him.
We don't want to be like him.
This is war, and when we've been through infidelity, we can testify that it feels like we've been in a war zone.
So we engage in the battle.
 |
| Joan of Arc |
You might have to talk to yourself, even out loud, to get your runaway thoughts to get back where they belong. But that's okay. Tell yourself, "It is unfruitful for me to dwell on this anymore. It is already forgiven, and I refuse to replay it. Thoughts, obey the Lordship of Jesus Christ! He has forgive this sin, and I insist on being like Him." (2 Cor. 10:3-5)
Likewise, the imaginations of what might be happening must be pulled back into obedience.
Then fill your head with something else that is good--maybe praise music or Scripture or checking on someone who needs encouragement and love.
Here's what happens: you neither let the memories lurk in your subconscious, nor consciously rehearse them repeatedly. You bring them to the Light.
When film negatives are exposed to the light, the picture is ruined. Jesus said that people don't come to Him when their deeds are evil--they don't want that wickedness to be exposed. Well, sometimes we don't bring our spouse's deeds to Him, either. We don't want to deal with them. We hide in shame.
Better to get it all out, telling our Savior what has happened and how it has affected us. He knows, anyway. And sometimes it can also help to tell a trusted friend, pastor, or Christian counselor. Especially if we can't seem to move past it. We might just need to be heard--to let someone know we're hurting. To have someone share the burden. That's okay. Just be very selective about the person you choose to share with.
Then when the Light hits that ugly misdeed, somehow the exposure causes it to lose some power over us. And as we refuse to replay it, then, we are choosing to forget it.
Marriage is meant to be a picture to the world--one that reflects the precious love Jesus Christ has for His bride, the church. He made it possible for her to come to Him pure, spotless--cleansed by His own sacrifice.
In that same way, He wants us to live in covenant with each other so that we can deal with each other's failings like He does: forgiving and forgetting, all by free choice.
Again, as I said in the last post, this doesn't mean that God is calling you to stay in a harmful situation. But it does at least give you an environment from which you can function freely. It makes room for miracles of grace from hearts freed by love.
An unconditional love that can transform you, then maybe--just maybe--also the union you share with your spouse, imperfections and all.
I would like to offer my book, When Prince Charming Falls off His Horse . . . and you've become his nag! at a big discount to those of you who are hungry for more truth. Even if you haven't been through infidelity, there's a lot more to challenge marriages. I share what God taught me about learning to love unconditionally--and how to fight the battle. Maybe you know someone else who could use a transparent look at Christian marriage between very imperfect, selfish individuals who are being transformed by God. If so, for the next month on my website, the price is reduced to $4.95 plus S/H.
http://w.mawebcenters.com/beckyspencerministries/ecommerce/store.php
Pictures: Building a Dry-Stone Wall (mygarden.It) and View of Ocean from Pismo Beach (commons.wikipedia.org)
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Surviving Valentine's Day with a Broken Heart, Part 1
While women across our nation envision flowers and candy and romantic dinners for tomorrow night, countless others can barely breathe. All they can see is infidelity, replaying over and over in their minds. And the broken promises are choking them.
Distrust . . . sorrow . . . anger . . . confusion. All these emotions fight for position.
Especially in a Christian home, where unfaithfulness isn't "supposed" to happen.
I know. I've walked through this heartache.
If this is your story, too, please keep reading. Because I'm many years on the other side of it now, and I can offer you an oxygen mask that might get you through.
Even when you feel like celebrating Valentine's Day is a farce.
First, I want to describe my nephew Jacob's wedding day. He and Bethany stood before us and took their vows last July. I don't know when I've seen such love and hope shining in the faces of a bride and groom. They seemed to understand that marriage is a covenant between the two of them and God.
I knew they had received good counsel to prepare them for the realities of married life. It isn't perfect. Like every married couple, they will have to deal with the fact that they've married a sinner, and in their case, thankfully, saved by grace.
Sin is missing the mark. It's way more than negotiating which way the toilet paper roll will be installed. It's even more than failing to meet romantic expectations.
It's raw selfishness that shows up in small and gargantuan portions.
And too often--way too often--it rips families apart when one or both partners engage in sexual sin.
So did I want to run down the aisle and warn them that the stars in their eyes could become daggers if they weren't careful to protect the vows they were taking?
No. Because I've come to understand something about covenant.
See, our entire relationship with God is based on covenant. Now, bear with me. I promise this will be more than a biblical history lesson. Embedded in God's relationship with His people, we can find hope.
He had a pretty good covenant with Israel, but the drawback was this: they couldn't keep their end of it. They sinned. Over and over again, they ran after other gods. He called these gods "many lovers." (Jeremiah 3:1)
God's heart was broken. He understands all the emotions we endure when we're cheated on.
But He loved His people so much, He drafted a new plan (or covenant) that was fail-proof. Why? Because it dealt with the sin issue. He provided two things for every person who would accept His gift: 1) He forgave sins committed. 2) He forgot sins committed. (Hebrews 8:12)
You might think it's impossible to do either of these things. But, my sister--or my brother--can we expect that the marriage covenant can work better than God's own covenant He has with His people? No. We won't perform better. If mankind couldn't keep a covenant with Almighty God perfectly, then certainly we won't be able to keep it perfectly with another human being.
We will fall short. We will fail. We will sin. So will our spouses.
And we will need a way to deal with that so we can stay in covenant with each other.
The way is His way. To forgive and forget.
You might be thinking that's impossible. And your spouse doesn't deserve to be forgiven. You'll never be able to forget.
I understand how you feel. Let me help you understand how to move past the feelings enough so that you can consider some truth that will bring relief.
When we forgive someone, we aren't saying that what that person did is okay. Some things will never be okay.
What we're saying is that we aren't going to make the person pay us back for the wrong we have endured.
It's sort of like an account ledger. An emotional bank of sorts. When someone sins against you, they owe you. It's a debt on that person's account with you. And infidelity is a huge withdrawal. It might wipe out all the checking and savings accounts and even borrow against future earnings.
I know what it's like to try to extract payment for such a serious wrong suffered. Everything in me screamed that he owed me! I sent out regular statements as a reminder of the outstanding balance. I demanded to know what arrangements he was going to make to take care of the account.
Resentment boiled. Yes, it made him feel bad. But holding on to the offense was damaging me even more. It's been said that harboring resentment is like drinking poison, but expecting the other person to die. So true.
And even more true is that we ourselves have received undeserved mercy. The very first thing God told Adam and Eve about disobeying Him was that if they did it, they would die. When they ate the forbidden fruit, they were immediately aware of their nakedness and shame. They tried to cover themselves with leaves.
But God gave them a picture of what Jesus would eventually do for us: He killed animals so the fur could be used to cover them.
Innocent blood was shed to cover sin. Romans 6:23 says that the wages--the payment--of sin is death. Even in the garden, God pronounced death as payment for sin. And at the same time, He provided a substitution for the death Adam and Eve owed. The animals didn't deserve to die, but they gave their lives in place of Adam and Eve.
Even the old covenant He had with Israel required animal sacrifice. It was only a temporary substitute; the blood of animals can't truly take away anyone's sins.
But it was a glimpse of grace.
While Jesus taught in the temple, the religious leaders dragged in a woman who had been caught in the very act of adultery. Was she disheveled, barely covered, smelling of sin?
She deserved to die an agonizing death by stoning, and so did the man, conveniently missing from this scene.
Yet Jesus said that only a person without sin could throw stones at her.
No one qualified but Him. And He chose mercy. (John 8:1-12)
I had no right to accuse my husband Tracy when he betrayed me.
Never mind that in my eyes, his sin was far worse than any I had committed. I was far from perfect--if you have read our story, you know that years ago, I had an emotional affair. But Tracy's sin seemed bigger. To me, he was the worst of the worst offender.
Did that give me the right to hold his debt of sin over him? No. If we were to compare accounts receivable to God, we would have to admit that both of us were debtors to His grace.
I had received God's forgiveness. How could I do any less than also extend it?
Yet that question seems complicated when the offense occurs more than once.
The world says, "Hurt me once; shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me." Should we be expected to forgive once? Twice? How many times is enough?
Peter asked Jesus the same question. Seven times seven? No. According to Jesus, we should forgive--wipe the slate clean--70 times 7 every day. If you're awake for 16 hours a day, that comes out to forgiving every two minutes. (Matthew 18:21-35)
This doesn't mean that we shouldn't take necessary steps to protect ourselves and our children. You might need to get medical tests to check for venereal diseases or HIV. You might need to file for a separation.
You will need God's wisdom. It can help to talk to a godly counselor or pastor, but even then, the advice needs to be weighed with what is biblical. And only the Holy Spirit can lead you in your own situation. He knows your spouse's heart. He knows the end from the beginning.
King David had a pretty serious rap sheet. Adulterer. Liar. Murderer. He suffered some serious consequences for his sins, and rightly so. Yet God called him a "man after His own heart." Why? Because he was quick to repent once he understood how serious his offenses were. Because he humbly received correction when the prophet called him out on his sins. Because he was a worshipper.
God tells us to forgive, not to torment us, but to free us. He knows that carrying the weight of someone else's sins is too great for us. There is liberty in letting go. And once you do, the grieving process can move forward so you aren't stuck in this pit forever.
I'll send a part 2 about how to forget sins committed against you, but for now, would you like to pray with me? If so, say this out loud; just adjust it if you're a man praying this about your wife:
"Father, my heart is breaking. I've been so wronged. I can't believe what my spouse has done to cause so much pain to our family. He deserves to be punished.
But that's not my job; it's Yours. I'm tired from carrying this burden on my own shoulders. I'm making a decision to lay it down at your feet. It's too heavy for me.
What he did is not okay. It never will be. But I'm choosing to let you deal with him.
I know You've shown me great mercy. You haven't given me what I deserve. And I have a feeling that I should be praying for mercy for him, too, because if You were to give him what he deserves, he'd be torched.
I admit that a part of me wishes he could experience some hard consequences, but help me try not to dole out judgment myself. Give me wisdom in choosing what steps to take next. I can't trust him. But frankly, I don't think I can trust myself, either.
You're the One I can trust. I believe You have my best interest at heart. Guide me so I know what to do next. Please make it very clear--so obvious that I will have confidence in Your plans for me and my family.
I choose to forgive him.
When the images and accusations try to come back into my thoughts, help me to forgive again--and again and again and again, as often as I have to until I know I have truly let go of this.
God, please heal my broken heart! I can't do this without You. Come into my life in new ways, and show me how much You care for me. I need You.
Thank You, Lord. Please make beauty from the ashes in our lives--and even in our marriage. Take this mess and turn it into a message of Your goodness and love.
In the Name of Jesus, Amen."
If you find yourself wondering what it means to know God in this intimate way, please contact me so I can provide more information and help.
He loves you, and He has good plans for your life.
Check back for part 2 soon.
c 2013 Becky Spencer
 |
| ("Teardrop" by dreamergirl 11/23/11 at desktopnexus.com) |
Distrust . . . sorrow . . . anger . . . confusion. All these emotions fight for position.
Especially in a Christian home, where unfaithfulness isn't "supposed" to happen.
I know. I've walked through this heartache.
If this is your story, too, please keep reading. Because I'm many years on the other side of it now, and I can offer you an oxygen mask that might get you through.
Even when you feel like celebrating Valentine's Day is a farce.
First, I want to describe my nephew Jacob's wedding day. He and Bethany stood before us and took their vows last July. I don't know when I've seen such love and hope shining in the faces of a bride and groom. They seemed to understand that marriage is a covenant between the two of them and God.
 |
| Jacob and Bethany at their reception |
I knew they had received good counsel to prepare them for the realities of married life. It isn't perfect. Like every married couple, they will have to deal with the fact that they've married a sinner, and in their case, thankfully, saved by grace.
Sin is missing the mark. It's way more than negotiating which way the toilet paper roll will be installed. It's even more than failing to meet romantic expectations.
It's raw selfishness that shows up in small and gargantuan portions.
And too often--way too often--it rips families apart when one or both partners engage in sexual sin.
So did I want to run down the aisle and warn them that the stars in their eyes could become daggers if they weren't careful to protect the vows they were taking?
No. Because I've come to understand something about covenant.
See, our entire relationship with God is based on covenant. Now, bear with me. I promise this will be more than a biblical history lesson. Embedded in God's relationship with His people, we can find hope.
He had a pretty good covenant with Israel, but the drawback was this: they couldn't keep their end of it. They sinned. Over and over again, they ran after other gods. He called these gods "many lovers." (Jeremiah 3:1)
God's heart was broken. He understands all the emotions we endure when we're cheated on.
But He loved His people so much, He drafted a new plan (or covenant) that was fail-proof. Why? Because it dealt with the sin issue. He provided two things for every person who would accept His gift: 1) He forgave sins committed. 2) He forgot sins committed. (Hebrews 8:12)
You might think it's impossible to do either of these things. But, my sister--or my brother--can we expect that the marriage covenant can work better than God's own covenant He has with His people? No. We won't perform better. If mankind couldn't keep a covenant with Almighty God perfectly, then certainly we won't be able to keep it perfectly with another human being.
We will fall short. We will fail. We will sin. So will our spouses.
And we will need a way to deal with that so we can stay in covenant with each other.
The way is His way. To forgive and forget.
You might be thinking that's impossible. And your spouse doesn't deserve to be forgiven. You'll never be able to forget.
I understand how you feel. Let me help you understand how to move past the feelings enough so that you can consider some truth that will bring relief.
When we forgive someone, we aren't saying that what that person did is okay. Some things will never be okay.
What we're saying is that we aren't going to make the person pay us back for the wrong we have endured.
It's sort of like an account ledger. An emotional bank of sorts. When someone sins against you, they owe you. It's a debt on that person's account with you. And infidelity is a huge withdrawal. It might wipe out all the checking and savings accounts and even borrow against future earnings.
I know what it's like to try to extract payment for such a serious wrong suffered. Everything in me screamed that he owed me! I sent out regular statements as a reminder of the outstanding balance. I demanded to know what arrangements he was going to make to take care of the account.
Resentment boiled. Yes, it made him feel bad. But holding on to the offense was damaging me even more. It's been said that harboring resentment is like drinking poison, but expecting the other person to die. So true.
And even more true is that we ourselves have received undeserved mercy. The very first thing God told Adam and Eve about disobeying Him was that if they did it, they would die. When they ate the forbidden fruit, they were immediately aware of their nakedness and shame. They tried to cover themselves with leaves.
But God gave them a picture of what Jesus would eventually do for us: He killed animals so the fur could be used to cover them.
Innocent blood was shed to cover sin. Romans 6:23 says that the wages--the payment--of sin is death. Even in the garden, God pronounced death as payment for sin. And at the same time, He provided a substitution for the death Adam and Eve owed. The animals didn't deserve to die, but they gave their lives in place of Adam and Eve.
Even the old covenant He had with Israel required animal sacrifice. It was only a temporary substitute; the blood of animals can't truly take away anyone's sins.
But it was a glimpse of grace.
While Jesus taught in the temple, the religious leaders dragged in a woman who had been caught in the very act of adultery. Was she disheveled, barely covered, smelling of sin?
 |
| Taken from "An Intimate Moment with a Woman Caught in Adultery" by austind90 in The Quotable austind90.blogspot.com/2012/02/25 |
She deserved to die an agonizing death by stoning, and so did the man, conveniently missing from this scene.
Yet Jesus said that only a person without sin could throw stones at her.
No one qualified but Him. And He chose mercy. (John 8:1-12)
I had no right to accuse my husband Tracy when he betrayed me.
Never mind that in my eyes, his sin was far worse than any I had committed. I was far from perfect--if you have read our story, you know that years ago, I had an emotional affair. But Tracy's sin seemed bigger. To me, he was the worst of the worst offender.
Did that give me the right to hold his debt of sin over him? No. If we were to compare accounts receivable to God, we would have to admit that both of us were debtors to His grace.
I had received God's forgiveness. How could I do any less than also extend it?
Yet that question seems complicated when the offense occurs more than once.
The world says, "Hurt me once; shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me." Should we be expected to forgive once? Twice? How many times is enough?
Peter asked Jesus the same question. Seven times seven? No. According to Jesus, we should forgive--wipe the slate clean--70 times 7 every day. If you're awake for 16 hours a day, that comes out to forgiving every two minutes. (Matthew 18:21-35)
This doesn't mean that we shouldn't take necessary steps to protect ourselves and our children. You might need to get medical tests to check for venereal diseases or HIV. You might need to file for a separation.
You will need God's wisdom. It can help to talk to a godly counselor or pastor, but even then, the advice needs to be weighed with what is biblical. And only the Holy Spirit can lead you in your own situation. He knows your spouse's heart. He knows the end from the beginning.
King David had a pretty serious rap sheet. Adulterer. Liar. Murderer. He suffered some serious consequences for his sins, and rightly so. Yet God called him a "man after His own heart." Why? Because he was quick to repent once he understood how serious his offenses were. Because he humbly received correction when the prophet called him out on his sins. Because he was a worshipper.
You might not be married to a David. You might be married to someone with serious issues--someone who didn't just mess up once, but rather who exhibits a pattern of behaviors that don't indicate any willingness to repent or change.
Anyone can change; not everyone is willing.
Jesus said that divorce is "allowed" when there has been adultery. It doesn't mean it's mandated. I've seen marriages healed, even when unfaithfulness has marred the original beauty of the union. Mine was. It wasn't an easy process to find this healing place where we're able to love each other unconditionally. But it was simple. And it started with forgiveness.
You absolutely need God's guidance for your own situation because there are no guarantees that your spouse will change.
But regardless of the direction you believe God is giving you concerning your marriage, forgiveness is mandated.
God tells us to forgive, not to torment us, but to free us. He knows that carrying the weight of someone else's sins is too great for us. There is liberty in letting go. And once you do, the grieving process can move forward so you aren't stuck in this pit forever.
I'll send a part 2 about how to forget sins committed against you, but for now, would you like to pray with me? If so, say this out loud; just adjust it if you're a man praying this about your wife:
"Father, my heart is breaking. I've been so wronged. I can't believe what my spouse has done to cause so much pain to our family. He deserves to be punished.
But that's not my job; it's Yours. I'm tired from carrying this burden on my own shoulders. I'm making a decision to lay it down at your feet. It's too heavy for me.
What he did is not okay. It never will be. But I'm choosing to let you deal with him.
I know You've shown me great mercy. You haven't given me what I deserve. And I have a feeling that I should be praying for mercy for him, too, because if You were to give him what he deserves, he'd be torched.
I admit that a part of me wishes he could experience some hard consequences, but help me try not to dole out judgment myself. Give me wisdom in choosing what steps to take next. I can't trust him. But frankly, I don't think I can trust myself, either.
You're the One I can trust. I believe You have my best interest at heart. Guide me so I know what to do next. Please make it very clear--so obvious that I will have confidence in Your plans for me and my family.
I choose to forgive him.
When the images and accusations try to come back into my thoughts, help me to forgive again--and again and again and again, as often as I have to until I know I have truly let go of this.
God, please heal my broken heart! I can't do this without You. Come into my life in new ways, and show me how much You care for me. I need You.
Thank You, Lord. Please make beauty from the ashes in our lives--and even in our marriage. Take this mess and turn it into a message of Your goodness and love.
In the Name of Jesus, Amen."
If you find yourself wondering what it means to know God in this intimate way, please contact me so I can provide more information and help.
He loves you, and He has good plans for your life.
Check back for part 2 soon.
c 2013 Becky Spencer
Sunday, December 16, 2012
I Believe
This summer, 26 states—about 53% of the US—were declared natural disasters because of drought, the largest in US history. About 8% unemployment continues in our nation. Twenty states have petitioned to secede from the union. Earthquakes strike in unusual places—in some regions, more than 6 times the norm. Fires, floods, hurricanes, tornadoes . . . natural disasters have increased 400% in the last 20 years. We’re in a global economic crisis. War rages between Israel and Gaza and across the Middle East. 1 in 7 people of the world are hungry, and 1 in 3 children are malnourished. Persecution of Christians is escalating, up 400% in the 10/40 window of the world. And it’s even touched our little town of Buhler, Kansas, where we are being forced to remove the cross from our city seal.
What is a person to do in the wake of such upheaval? Well, that depends. Christians are believers, so we have an advantage: we anchor our souls in faith. Belief determines action. So . . .
I believe . . . that in the face of disasters, our loving Father will keep His promises. Many times His Word tells us that even in drought, those who care for widows and orphans will be well-watered. I expect rain.
I believe . . . that if we watch and pray, we will, in Jesus’ words, “be counted worthy” to escape the
worst of what is coming to this earth, and we will be able to stand before the Son of Man. (Luke 21:36) Not that we are worthy, but His worthiness counts for us. Even at that, it’s not sloppy grace. Vs. 34-35 We’re warned not to be weighed down with self-indulgence, drunkenness, or even the cares of this life, which blind us to the traps coming. We will only find our way as we seek our King.
I believe . . . that there is no other Name given to men by which we may be saved. It’s no surprise that Christians and Jews are the most persecuted people on earth. The forces of evil recognize the hand of God on our lives—and the imprint of the Christ-child living in us. From the manger, to the cross, to the grave, to the right hand of the Father, Jesus has made a Way for anyone who will call on Him. Soon—very soon—even those who hate Him and His people will bow the knee and admit that He is Lord.
I believe . . . that until that Day, a seemingly small, ragtag band of followers will continue to turn the world upside down as the destiny of hurting people is changed forever by love. And when He comes, we’ll be revealed as the glorious church God knew He could produce against all odds!
I believe . . . that family is one of the greatest blessings on earth. Below you'll find news about what’s happening with mine.
And you are a blessing to us, as well. Tracy and I wish you a very Merry Christmas, filled with what truly matters. If we can serve you in any way, please contact us.
Much love,
Becky
Sara and Danny are still in Petersburg, VA, where the children are in Christian school. Judah (2nd grade) loves creative writing and drawing—and often laughs out loud at his work. Nora is in K-4, a leader in her class, and comes home with new songs every day. Silas is in K-3, loves learning, and can really carry a tune. All the children love to worship, like their parents who are on the worship team at Destination Church. Their worship band has been playing at area events, and they just recorded their first album. Sara still does hair, and she’s on the electoral board in Petersburg. Danny is assistant manager at Lumber Liquidators and still works part-time at the State Anatomical Program at the mortuary in Richmond.
Polly and Josh are still raising their crew in Haven, Kansas. MacKenzie is a 4th grader, Ethan is a 3rd grader, and Savannah is in 1st grade, all at Pleasantview Academy. Polly is still driving the school bus that the kids take to school, and Josh is still with Dillons. They’re growing in the little Baptist church God led them to in Haven. They stay busy with sports, but we manage to meet up when we can—most often when we’re shopping at Wal-Mart! We’re so thankful for the joy we see on these precious faces!
Jeri moved her little family to Arlington, KS, for a few weeks, but she decided they were better suited for life in dairy country in New York, so they’ve returned there. Junior is 8 and Luressa is 5; they are the two children in the back row. (The other three in front are Ashley and Brian's.) Jeri's older children, who a dear family adopted a decade ago, are now 12 and 10, and we trust God’s care over all of them.
Nathan and Diana still live a block and a half from us, and they continue to bless everyone at Sunshine Meadows Retirement Community as head of maintenance and charge nurse, respectively. Diana is enrolled in the RN program at Hutch Community College in January, and she’s been taking some preliminary classes online. They recently moved the children to Buhler schools, where Gabe is in 5th grad, Caleb is in 1st, and Jordan is in preschool. Gabe’s playing trumpet now, and both boys are in basketball. Our youth group continues to grow under their loving leadership, and Pastor Nate is still on our praise team at church. He’s been free from addictions for 8 years now, and we are still full of gratitude for the Lord’s saving power in his life.
Benjamin and Amy are clearly still enjoying married life, having just celebrated two years together. They both found jobs in Michigan, where Amy grew up. She’s an xray tech at a hospital across from Southpoint Community Christian Church where Benjamin serves full-time as the Family Worship Arts Minister. Both of them are actively involved with the teens there. And they are expecting . . . a house! Yes, ready to close on their first home purchase any day now. We hope that the other kind of expecting will be the next big news. Smile.
Ashley and Brian just celebrated their first year of marriage, which includes welcoming baby Honor Able to the family just a couple of weeks ago! He joins Ayden (almost 5), Alyssa (3) and Alex (2). Brian has to be one of the proudest daddies I’ve ever seen. He still works for Decker Mattison Heating and Air, and Ashley will look for a job soon. Meanwhile, she’s enjoying the time at home with her little ones, all so precious!
Justin and Jessica just passed the five year milestone of marriage, and I love pictures like this one, showing their family doing things together. Addisyn is six, and Nathan Wray just turned 2. We know things have been tough for this little family, but they’re still hanging in there, and we’re thankful. Each one is so important to our hearts!
Anna is a junior in high school, still homeschooling and taking a few classes online. She’s playing basketball for the homeschool Sabres again, even though her team is quite small and will only play JV since they are relying on several junior highers to fill in. Her favorite things are still artsy—scrapbooking, drawing, writing songs, playing piano, and singing. I love having her on the praise team at church with Nathan and me! Diabetes stinks; thank you for praying for her. Of course, she’s thinking ahead to what will come after high school, and she’s leaning towards attending the Honor Academy, where Ben and Amy met. The school of worship seems like a good fit, so we’ll see how the Lord leads in the next few months.
Tracy and I are enjoying grandchild #19—yes, you saw that right! We absolutely love this stage of life and only wish we had more time with all the kiddos. Tracy’s been a CNC operator at TSW Products for 17 years now, and we’ve had the bed and breakfast for four years. We’ve met the most precious people! I’m still providing lay counseling from home, and on Monday mornings, I’m teaching Daughters of Sarah (God’s plan for wives) to a new group of twelve amazing women.
It was such a joy to have our oldest daughter Sara with us in Swaziland and Mozambique this summer; she’s a natural ministering to the women and children. Jana Durham and Casey McMahan were also a wonderful addition to our team. We left a big chunk of our hearts in Africa again! And this time, we shared a lot more in the Word and in song—even three radio broadcasts and at graduation for the College of Theology, where we heard the king’s sister speak. It’s not every day you eat lunch with a princess! But prince or pauper, we want to be boldly obedient to the Holy Spirit’s leading! And mostly, that means freely sharing what we have been given. What a glorious life!
Abandoned, orphaned, and vulnerable children in Africa are lost lambs. The Good Shepherd’s staff is grand enough to care for each one—through me . . .
. . . and through YOU!
So the next couple of weeks we'll shift gears and prepare for some precious family time. We wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and the happiest of New Years. Troubles come, but Jesus is on His throne.
Praise His Holy Name!
Much love from The Spencer Family
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Personal Freedom on Steroids
I voted.
Not nearly enough Americans did this year.
Those who did are divided almost in half.
So it's left about half of the voters disappointed, and many even afraid of the future.
What I have to say about that might upset some of the people in that camp. But I can't be silent when my heart is so stirred.
Here's the thing: no human form of government will succeed long-term. Not even a republican democracy.
It got off to a great start because freedom is God's idea. When our forefathers wrote the Declaration of Independence, they acknowledged that His intent was that all people everywhere had the right to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."
They went on to explain that they realized people would go through hardships, and that it was no light thing to resist their monarch. But when a ruler overstepped the boundaries of what God intended for all people, they knew it was time to revolt. So they listed the grievances they had against the King of Great Britain; there were 27 of them, and it wasn't just about taxation without representation. You can read the long list here: http://www.archives.gov/exhibits/charters/declaration_transcript.html
Fifty-six men signed this document, signifying their decision to throw off the oppression suffered by British rule. They were willing to fight and even die for the right to govern themselves.
Yet these men never indicated that a person should be free to do whatever he wanted. They knew that a lack of law would result in anarchy. And the laws of the United States were carefully crafted to reflect a strong Judeo-Christian morality that honored the boundaries of the same God who had given rights to all men.
Fast forward through time . . . to a decade many of you will remember, just as I do. The 1960's were a time of throwing off restraints. Anti-establishment. Free love. Drugs. War protests. It was a generation of individuals who did the opposite of what authority expected of them.
And it wasn't only the young hippies who were protesting the morality of the age. One woman rallied to remove prayer from schools, masses of women fought for liberation, couples swapped partners, and business leaders sold out to the Almighty Dollar.
A new chant was heard across the land, and even though it was worded to suit the group it came from, it meant one thing: nobody is going to tell me what to do--not even God.
So actions that were once illegal became accepted behaviors. Sex without marriage resulted in unwanted pregnancies, leading to the legalization of abortion because people craved freedom without responsibility. The natural progression of that kind of thinking brought us to the current battle being waged in states across our nation, which is the push to legalize same-sex marriage.
Dear ones, our God gave us commandments for our good, not to prevent us from having happy lives. He created us, so He knows best what will result in blessed lives.
His expectations are wrapped in great love for us. We get an idea what that's like when we give boundaries to our own children. We teach them not to dart into the street or touch a hot stove or run with scissors in their hands. We give them lessons on the consequences of lying or stealing or bullying others. All because we want them to be okay, but we also want them to treat others in such a way that they'll be okay, too. Physically, emotionally, mentally, and yes, even spiritually.
God's Word to us concerning sexual purity is for our good in all those areas. Please bear with me as I explain something profound. Marriage is a covenant before God, not just a legal contract. Throughout history, covenants are sealed by blood. Do you realize that couples are meant to enter marriage as virgins so that when the marriage is consummated, a bit of blood is shed to seal the covenant they've entered?
When we have sex before marriage, we're robbing ourselves of God's intent.
And it is something that can never occur between same sex partners.
Yet people are clawing to demand their rights, so sure that they know what's best for them--so sure they will find happiness if all restraints are cast aside. It's turned into freedom at all costs, with no thought for how actions will affect other people or society at large.
It's a counterfeit that insists on personal rights without any correlating responsibility.
My generation is guilty of this. I have been guilty myself. We have put ourselves on the throne.
And our form of government has experienced what I believe was inevitable: it is failing because people are incapable of governing themselves apart from God. The Bible tells us that in the last days, men will become more and more evil. That will be true in every nation, even in this one that was the greatest one in history while it was truly under God.
We have re-elected a President that many people believe will lead our nation into greater moral decay and financial ruin.
That could well be.
But the truth is, those of us who are called by His Name have dual citizenship. We uphold our responsibilities to our country, yet we realize that it will not save us. It will go the way of every other power before it.
Our greatest responsibility is not to fight for our rights on this earth, as important as they are to the life, liberty and pursuit of happiness God intends for all.
No, our duty as Christians is to serve the King of kings. One day He will come and sit on His throne, where He will rule righteously. All will obey His commands. Unity and peace will come to the earth. Even the lion will lie down with the lamb. Weapons of war will be beaten into plows.
He waits because He wants as many people as possible to find His love before it's too late.
If we allow ourselves to become overly entangled by the affairs of our nation, we will miss opportunities to reach others with His Good News.
What is that message? Oh, it's one of ultimate freedom! In Him, we find freedom to do what is right, not to be enslaved to the sin nature. Freedom to live above self-centeredness so we can serve the needs of others.
I encourage you. Ask the Lord which kingdom He wants to have first place in your mind, heart, and actions.
I believe it will move you from a politically dominant mindset to one of readiness for the coming King.
Yes, we must all continue to exercise our rights--and duties--as citizens of this nation, voting and speaking out for righteousness as God leads us.
But it is a matter of time before evil will win in the public arena. We might be able to elect officials that will bring a reprieve, but if so, it will be short-lived.
It is for freedom that Christ has set you free. In His Kingdom we will be free at last from everything that hinders us. Free to love, free to worship, free to rise above the circumstances surrounding us to a place of joy.
And by faith, that Kingdom is already here. Let's live in it.
Not nearly enough Americans did this year.
Those who did are divided almost in half.
So it's left about half of the voters disappointed, and many even afraid of the future.
What I have to say about that might upset some of the people in that camp. But I can't be silent when my heart is so stirred.
Here's the thing: no human form of government will succeed long-term. Not even a republican democracy.
It got off to a great start because freedom is God's idea. When our forefathers wrote the Declaration of Independence, they acknowledged that His intent was that all people everywhere had the right to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."
They went on to explain that they realized people would go through hardships, and that it was no light thing to resist their monarch. But when a ruler overstepped the boundaries of what God intended for all people, they knew it was time to revolt. So they listed the grievances they had against the King of Great Britain; there were 27 of them, and it wasn't just about taxation without representation. You can read the long list here: http://www.archives.gov/exhibits/charters/declaration_transcript.html
Fifty-six men signed this document, signifying their decision to throw off the oppression suffered by British rule. They were willing to fight and even die for the right to govern themselves.
Yet these men never indicated that a person should be free to do whatever he wanted. They knew that a lack of law would result in anarchy. And the laws of the United States were carefully crafted to reflect a strong Judeo-Christian morality that honored the boundaries of the same God who had given rights to all men.
Fast forward through time . . . to a decade many of you will remember, just as I do. The 1960's were a time of throwing off restraints. Anti-establishment. Free love. Drugs. War protests. It was a generation of individuals who did the opposite of what authority expected of them.
And it wasn't only the young hippies who were protesting the morality of the age. One woman rallied to remove prayer from schools, masses of women fought for liberation, couples swapped partners, and business leaders sold out to the Almighty Dollar.
A new chant was heard across the land, and even though it was worded to suit the group it came from, it meant one thing: nobody is going to tell me what to do--not even God.
So actions that were once illegal became accepted behaviors. Sex without marriage resulted in unwanted pregnancies, leading to the legalization of abortion because people craved freedom without responsibility. The natural progression of that kind of thinking brought us to the current battle being waged in states across our nation, which is the push to legalize same-sex marriage.
Dear ones, our God gave us commandments for our good, not to prevent us from having happy lives. He created us, so He knows best what will result in blessed lives.
His expectations are wrapped in great love for us. We get an idea what that's like when we give boundaries to our own children. We teach them not to dart into the street or touch a hot stove or run with scissors in their hands. We give them lessons on the consequences of lying or stealing or bullying others. All because we want them to be okay, but we also want them to treat others in such a way that they'll be okay, too. Physically, emotionally, mentally, and yes, even spiritually.
God's Word to us concerning sexual purity is for our good in all those areas. Please bear with me as I explain something profound. Marriage is a covenant before God, not just a legal contract. Throughout history, covenants are sealed by blood. Do you realize that couples are meant to enter marriage as virgins so that when the marriage is consummated, a bit of blood is shed to seal the covenant they've entered?
When we have sex before marriage, we're robbing ourselves of God's intent.
And it is something that can never occur between same sex partners.
Yet people are clawing to demand their rights, so sure that they know what's best for them--so sure they will find happiness if all restraints are cast aside. It's turned into freedom at all costs, with no thought for how actions will affect other people or society at large.
It's a counterfeit that insists on personal rights without any correlating responsibility.
My generation is guilty of this. I have been guilty myself. We have put ourselves on the throne.
And our form of government has experienced what I believe was inevitable: it is failing because people are incapable of governing themselves apart from God. The Bible tells us that in the last days, men will become more and more evil. That will be true in every nation, even in this one that was the greatest one in history while it was truly under God.
We have re-elected a President that many people believe will lead our nation into greater moral decay and financial ruin.
That could well be.
But the truth is, those of us who are called by His Name have dual citizenship. We uphold our responsibilities to our country, yet we realize that it will not save us. It will go the way of every other power before it.
Our greatest responsibility is not to fight for our rights on this earth, as important as they are to the life, liberty and pursuit of happiness God intends for all.
No, our duty as Christians is to serve the King of kings. One day He will come and sit on His throne, where He will rule righteously. All will obey His commands. Unity and peace will come to the earth. Even the lion will lie down with the lamb. Weapons of war will be beaten into plows.
He waits because He wants as many people as possible to find His love before it's too late.
If we allow ourselves to become overly entangled by the affairs of our nation, we will miss opportunities to reach others with His Good News.
What is that message? Oh, it's one of ultimate freedom! In Him, we find freedom to do what is right, not to be enslaved to the sin nature. Freedom to live above self-centeredness so we can serve the needs of others.
I encourage you. Ask the Lord which kingdom He wants to have first place in your mind, heart, and actions.
I believe it will move you from a politically dominant mindset to one of readiness for the coming King.
Yes, we must all continue to exercise our rights--and duties--as citizens of this nation, voting and speaking out for righteousness as God leads us.
But it is a matter of time before evil will win in the public arena. We might be able to elect officials that will bring a reprieve, but if so, it will be short-lived.
It is for freedom that Christ has set you free. In His Kingdom we will be free at last from everything that hinders us. Free to love, free to worship, free to rise above the circumstances surrounding us to a place of joy.
And by faith, that Kingdom is already here. Let's live in it.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Women's health.
Two words that are emotionally charged in this political climate.
This morning I read something on that topic that surprised me. It might surprise you, too.
Because it's information that has been suppressed.
Even by those who claim to care about women's health.
* Did you know that studies show that childbearing decreases the risk of breast cancer?
Did you know that in 1975, less than one woman in 12 was likely to ever get breast cancer, and if she did, it was almost always late in life? (At this time, abortion had been legal for only two years.)
But now, the odds have increased to at least one in every 8 American woman will be diagnosed with breast cancer--and the onset is much earlier in life.
Before abortion was legalized, some tried to warn that an increase in abortions would also increase the number of women who would get breast cancer. But that warning was squelched. And now the results are in.
How can a doctor, an abortion provider, or any organization claim to be so concerned with a woman's health if that information is hidden from women?
Here's another fact: the legalization of abortion has resulted in an increase of up to 35% more gonorrhea and up to 38% more syphilis. Why? Because it encourages reckless sexual behavior.
Again, are women being advised about this serious risk to their health? Sadly, no.
This doesn't address many other physical risks to the mother, and it doesn't even touch on the emotional and mental scars that wound women who have had an abortion.
But the research is available to anyone who really cares about women.
That's all very clinical.
I have 18 other very good reasons I oppose abortion: they're named Judah, Nora, Silas, MacKenzie, Ethan, Savannah, Elizabeth, Andrew, Junior, Luressa, Gabriel, Caleb Maurice (Camo), Jordan, Ayden, Alyssa, Alexander, Addisyn, and Nathan Wray. These are the precious grandchildren we've been blessed with so far.
Our next bundle of joy is due in a few days. (I wish I had time to post more pictures of my honey darlin's!)
People have the right to vote the way they want in the USA. I'm grateful for that kind of freedom. Personally, I happen to believe the rights of the unborn "little women" are every bit as valid as the rights of women who are in their child-bearing years.
And I'm bothered that when it comes to the real issues of life, too often a big chunk of the story is left untold.
That leaves some people basing important decisions on half-truths--and even outright lies.
When you cast your vote next week--and I hope you will--please remember that women's rights are only part of the story.
Every right brings with it many responsibilities.
May God grant us wisdom. And have mercy on our souls.
Will He--can He--give us more mercy than we have shown?
* Information taken from "Abortion in America," by Alan Sears, J.D., ESQ., Christian Counseling Today, Volume 19, No. 1, p. 25
Two words that are emotionally charged in this political climate.
This morning I read something on that topic that surprised me. It might surprise you, too.
Because it's information that has been suppressed.
Even by those who claim to care about women's health.
* Did you know that studies show that childbearing decreases the risk of breast cancer?
Did you know that in 1975, less than one woman in 12 was likely to ever get breast cancer, and if she did, it was almost always late in life? (At this time, abortion had been legal for only two years.)
But now, the odds have increased to at least one in every 8 American woman will be diagnosed with breast cancer--and the onset is much earlier in life.
Before abortion was legalized, some tried to warn that an increase in abortions would also increase the number of women who would get breast cancer. But that warning was squelched. And now the results are in.
How can a doctor, an abortion provider, or any organization claim to be so concerned with a woman's health if that information is hidden from women?
Here's another fact: the legalization of abortion has resulted in an increase of up to 35% more gonorrhea and up to 38% more syphilis. Why? Because it encourages reckless sexual behavior.
Again, are women being advised about this serious risk to their health? Sadly, no.
This doesn't address many other physical risks to the mother, and it doesn't even touch on the emotional and mental scars that wound women who have had an abortion.
But the research is available to anyone who really cares about women.
That's all very clinical.
I have 18 other very good reasons I oppose abortion: they're named Judah, Nora, Silas, MacKenzie, Ethan, Savannah, Elizabeth, Andrew, Junior, Luressa, Gabriel, Caleb Maurice (Camo), Jordan, Ayden, Alyssa, Alexander, Addisyn, and Nathan Wray. These are the precious grandchildren we've been blessed with so far.
Our next bundle of joy is due in a few days. (I wish I had time to post more pictures of my honey darlin's!)
People have the right to vote the way they want in the USA. I'm grateful for that kind of freedom. Personally, I happen to believe the rights of the unborn "little women" are every bit as valid as the rights of women who are in their child-bearing years.
And I'm bothered that when it comes to the real issues of life, too often a big chunk of the story is left untold.
That leaves some people basing important decisions on half-truths--and even outright lies.
When you cast your vote next week--and I hope you will--please remember that women's rights are only part of the story.
Every right brings with it many responsibilities.
May God grant us wisdom. And have mercy on our souls.
Will He--can He--give us more mercy than we have shown?
* Information taken from "Abortion in America," by Alan Sears, J.D., ESQ., Christian Counseling Today, Volume 19, No. 1, p. 25
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Glue Is Better Than Duct Tape
Sept. 18, 1976
Don't Tracy and I look like babies in this wedding photograph? We must have been. I sure don't feel old enough to have already been married for 36 years.
But 8 kids later, with 18 grandkids and counting, we're pinching ourselves to make sure we aren't imagining the whirlwind this life together has been.
We're celebrating today. Not because our love has been perfect--far from it. We've fought, clawed, and stumbled through a big chunk of this life together. It's a mercy we even made it through the first year, much less through the struggles and temptations and shortcomings that followed.
We knew we didn't have much in common when we started out. Basically, only Jesus. And there were times we wondered if that would be enough.
It was.
So, we're celebrating because Jesus has held us together like glue.
That has been the fulfillment of this Scripture that was printed on the napkins at our wedding: "By Him all things hold together." Col. 1:17 God took two separate, flawed, stubborn individuals and made us one.
Tracy and I couldn't patch up our marriage by ourselves. There wasn't enough duct tape in the world. We'd made too many mistakes. We'd sinned and let each other down. Not just once, but time and time again. Only the Lord could do something deep down where the cracks and broken places cried for His touch.
That would be tremendous enough. But what is even more amazing is that we actually like what He formed from our lives.
Our marriage has become a safe place. A place to grow. A place to take risks. A place to experience unconditional love.
And as we've grown together, we've been so blessed to find that our interests and delights have also merged. No, I still don't like to golf or sleep in a tent, and Tracy isn't going to use his free time to read a novel. But we just like being together. Sharing hearts and going to rummage sales and working side by side at our ministry fund-raisers.
Older, grayer, and more tired--but we're still smiling.
We went from being needy and self-centered to having something to offer one another. It's mature love. Not dependent on fading beauty or charm or what's in the checkbook.
It's not always fun. Sometimes it's just work. And a hard season can sure last a long time.
When somebody sticks with you through all the icky junk, it can be out of a sense of duty. But when that person also wants to wrap his arms around you and tell you he loves you when he's seen you at your worst, that's love. When he reminds you you're still his best friend, that's love. When he'd rather be alone with you than watch tv, that's love. The real deal.
And those sweet words and actions re-ignite the flames of love, giving us the desire to stick it out because we love each other, not just because it's the "right" thing to do.
This morning I felt another Lover wooing me to come away with Him. I have to admit, I felt a little bit like I had nothing to offer Him except my service to Him. I felt like I could identify with the church at Ephesus. They worked diligently for the Lord without growing weary. They were patient. They didn't tolerate evil-doers. They recognized false leaders. Most churches would love to have people like that in attendance! But Jesus said He had one thing against them: they had left their first love for Him. (Rev. 2:1-7)
His remedy for leaving their first love for Him was to remember how it used to be when He was everything to them. Then to repent and do the first works they did back in those days.
I thought back to the early years of giving my life to Jesus. I felt so alive! I couldn't wait to meet with Him as I read His love letter to me (the Bible), sang praises to Him, and lifted my needs to Him. My first works for Him were mostly just getting to know Him. Spending time with Him.
And I was so needy--I was desperate for Him.
So this morning, I asked Him if He expected me to be that needy again. It's hard to feel that way when He has been so good to you through the years . . . I'm satisfied and blessed.
I was surprised to sense that He was asking for a more mature love. Not one based on that old neediness that was all about what He could do for me, nor one that is focused only on what I do for Him.
Tracy feels my love for him most when I open myself to him. Letting down the walls so nothing is hidden. Trusting him with who I am. Admiring him for who he is.
Is it possible that Jesus also feels my love most when I hold nothing back? When I let Him see me, even though I know I'm flawed? When I trust Him and admire the beauty of His character?
Song of Solomon is a picture of the love between a king and His lover. From that story, I know something about the love of my King. His love is better than anything. I can trust Him when He wants to draw me away with Him. I can take off my veil because He knows me better than I know myself, yet He loves me still.
Like Queen Esther, I can prepare myself for His presence by putting on what He has provided for me. The oil of gladness. Robes of righteousness. Even ornaments of gold and studs of silver, which is like the wisdom gleaned from His Word. My sweet perfume is the rising of prayers to His throne.
He lets me rest under the shade of His protection. He satisfies me with a banquet that is provided by His love.
I long for His embrace. He holds the promise of spring and all it entails--life, fruit, blossoms, and singing. He asks me to go with Him to a quiet place in the cleft of the rocks where it's just Him and me. It's a place of belonging, where He is mine, and I am His.
We're one. Held together like glue. It's a miracle of His Spirit, performed at the new birth and made stronger every time we come away with Him.
Kim Jobe's song "The More I Seek You" says it best. This version:
- Choreography: Edouard Lock
- Ballet: La La La Human Steps
- This video made by: Birdiej89
- This video made by: Birdiej89
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